Monday 11 October 2010

Free at last, Free at last

Inside me there is a little boy crying.

Inside me there is an old man dying.

Waiting for the day to come.

When they will become one.

'Free at last' they shall sing.

Free at last.

.

Friday 1 October 2010

Union Within, Communion Without.

One of the highest ideas that touches my mind is the idea of co-creation.

For me, this is the idea that when two worlds meet - in Love - then there is the possibility of a creation that is filled with beauty, truth and love.

What is the intention of this meeting? What is the intention and direction of these two worlds and can they work together to bring harmony rather than discord? An important question in a true meeting of heart and mind.

Can two worlds merge and become one? Is this possible even? With all the human emotions and drives that we each have to contend with that throw us out of balance and that can cause us to have conflicts even just within ourselves?

How can two worlds really merge and become one? If I have the vision that it is possible then surely it must be. One can only try.

Union within will bring communion without. Communion will naturally result in co-creation of the highest order.

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Monday 13 September 2010

Strange addiction to who I used to be.


How can I explain my predicament?

I am finding it hard.

There are things that seem to be out of my control.

Like the circumstances that befall me or the situation I find myself in, even though I chose to be here somehow but not sure, looking back, thinking about whether I made the right decisions, the decisions, that potentially lead me here.

So where do I find myself?

I find myself in a lonely place. So alone. I have the feeling sometimes like as if I am so disconnected from everything. Where is the love that I used to feel? Where is the I that I used to love?

I only have one thing guiding me now, and that's my dream.

But my heart is heavy. If it were lighter things would be so much easier.

Why is my heart so lonely and afraid? I don't know. I am realising the fears I carry are stronger than what I've ever felt before in my life. I am afraid of the changes that I may go through, or maybe I'm afraid of not even knowing anything about what's going to happen. I fear failure, I must be honest about that.

The dream is my seed.

As I grow,
I grow to know,
How sad and sorry is life at this moment.
For whatever happened to that used to be me,
and why do I long for his return?
Am I still not he,
Who now knows the limits,
Of how far his expectations can take him?
But who does not know,
to where the dream will lead?

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Friday 27 August 2010

Religion Divides, Love Unites

Religion Divides, Love Unites: By Dr. Harsh K. Luthar

Posted by: Harsha • Jul 19th, 2010
http://luthar.com/religion-divides-love-unites/

Buddhism, Hinduism, Jainism, Taoism, Christianity, and other religions and spiritual traditions use different words and concepts to describe the ultimate nature of Reality. Sometimes, the scholars and preachers from these faiths argue with each other over who is right and who is wrong. There are even strong disagreements within the same religion and spiritual tradition about the nature of God or Salvation or Heaven, etc.

Even within Hinduism and the Shiva-Shakti traditions, there are great debates about the nature of the highest state. These differences in description of the highest reality and knowledge are only in the words that come through the conditional mind and not in the experience and understanding of great Sages.

My teacher Chitrabhanu-ji used to say that in Buddhism when they say that the ultimate state is empty it does not mean that it is “nothingness”. It means that it is No-thing-ness.

This is the experience of the Self-Realized sages. The highest state is empty of all things, concepts, images. It is the end of imagination and all experiences find their resting place in the Self. It is noteworthy that while most orthodox and traditional scholars of Hinduism reject Buddhism, Sri Ramana spoke favorably of Buddha.

There are no good words to fully indicate the ultimate state. The Self, which the ancient sages said is Sat-Chit-Ananda (Existence-Consciousness-Bliss) is the very nature of Fullness. This underlying unity is recognized when the mind with its fascination with concepts, things, and experiences has subsided.

Even the notion of no-self and self or Self are concepts only. In order to communicate, words have to be used to indicate the experience and nature of Reality that sits in the center of our Heart, our existence. What ever term one uses to describe THAT, It is what It Is.

When Moses asked God about his nature, God could only say, “I Am That I Am”. What else could God say? The nature of God cannot be comprehended by the mind. The mind has to surrender and dissolve itself into the Lord of the Heart for the Reality to reveal It Self.

So, religions use different names to describe the ultimate state. We can call it the Absolute, God, God Consciousness, or the Self, or the no-self or Shunya, etc. What difference can it make? If we understand this deeply through experience of God in our Heart, and see that it is the same God in every Heart, then we stop fighting and arguing over religion and spirituality.

Bhagavan Ramana used to say, “Ahimsa Param Dharma”. It means essentially that kindness, compassion, nonviolence, and love is the supreme religion. Love is the highest state. As Bhagavan has said, “Love is the actual form of God.”

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Longing for Peace.

My life is a river,

In it I flow,

I attempt to define IT, but how, I do not know.

It's not wide, it's not narrow,

Nor deep, nor shallow.

It expands out to I know not where.

And it pushes me around without a care.

When will the knocks, bumps and vicissitudes stop?

When will I reach the mouth,
that kisses the ocean,
and dissolve?

When will I reach this great ocean of truth and finally find an end? ...

to this longing ...

for peace.

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Tuesday 24 August 2010

Avalanche in Darfur

I was in an african town. My dream told me I was in Darfur somewhere.

The town seemed to be under vigilance. Perhaps the town was under some kind of martial law and that there was a kerfew.

I was in a closed in area, and I could see at one end of the compound / yard that there were people coming through at one point and leaving again via another exit. I was told that they were sentinals, however they didn't appear to be dressed in any particular uniform but it seemed believable.

I decided that I would risk leaving the compound. I had to get out. I waited for the next sentinal to come in and straight after they came in I left out of the entry they came through. I thought that by leaving straight after one that had just come in it would give me more time before the next one came through and hence give me more chance of leaving without encountering one of them.

I was outside now. Looking out into the dark village. There was an element of fear in the atmosphere. I think I saw a young boy with a gun. I stayed fixed on myself.

A boy came up to me and grabbed me by the arm and started leading me somewhere as he spoke to me in what seemed like very fast french. I did not understand what he was telling me but it seemed that he was telling me that it was unsafe to be out on the streets alone. He took me into a building where it seemed he needed to see someone. He spoke with a boy that was younger than him about something and then took me to a large cystern where I could pee. I guess he knew that I needed to pee.

As I started peeing. I was finding it difficult to stay balanced. I couldn't understand why. To make it more difficult I felt another person by my side also peeing in the same cystern. When I finished peeing I realised that we were on the back of some large lorry. Some kind of portable toilet? I looked at the french boy who'd accompanied me there and wondered why he'd put me on a truck that's moving somewhere without trying to explain to me where it's going and what's going on. I felt it was not right to trust him so I jumped off the truck as it was moving and ran off.

I was kind of worried now. I did not know where my compound was now, but I figured we hadn't travelled far so it should be reasonably close. I was still worried however that I would not recognise much of the roads and buildings to be able to find my way back.

I found some building and guess it felt right to enter, so I did. There I heard english being spoken. I actually heard Lio's voice. There was a group of about 4-5 people sitting around a small table. I looked hard to see Lio, but I didn't see him there. I realised that the voice was coming from a little radio that they were playing. It sounded so much like Lio's voice. I spoke to some of the people there just explaining basically why my attention was on them, due to the voice being so similar to that of my friend.

I went outside, perhaps there was light coming, because I could distinguish dark clouds now above and I could see that there was a big storm coming. I saw massive raindrops coming down. I wondered about whether this would be enough of a storm to cause a mudslide or something disastrous like this.

I looked off into snow capped mountains in the distance and I could see that the storm was already taking it's effect. I saw the snow off the sides of the mountains cracking off in large chunks and sliding down. An avalanche. I saw the avalanche come down, closer into the village and it started taking out huts, completely covering some of them and pushing some along further down. People chasing after their belongs and also running away. It was only the first run and there was more coming.

I alerted everyone inside that there was an avalanche happening. They all went inside the building in fear that it would arrive and that being deeper inside the building it would be safer. I could not decide what to do. Whether to go inside the building with them, or to perhaps go around the back of the building and wait it out there. I decided the latter and I waited there.


End.

---

Strange because there is no snow in Darfur.

Interestingly though it says in Wikipedia:
Remote sensing has detected the imprint of a vast underground lake under Darfur. The potential water deposits are estimated at 19,110 square miles (49,500 km2). The lake, during epochs when the region was more humid, would have contained about 607 square miles (1,570 km2) of water. It may have dried up thousands of years ago.

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Friday 6 August 2010

My Addictions

Just as my intentions are important,

I also need to look at my addictions and how they might be obstacles to my intentions.

I have an addiction, I feel, actually I feel that I have many.

They are all becoming so much more apparent to me lately.

What does this mean?

How do I slow things down? Stay cool? Without some addiction to help me through it?

Can I do this on my own?

Where do I find the strength I need to overcome these addictive behaviours?

.

Tuesday 3 August 2010

Intentions

What if one day our hearts were to suddenly awaken?

How would we then view what we consider to be our needs?

How would our new needs drive us and open us up to another way of seeing the world?

Would this open us up to the importance of our intentions for any choice we make in our lives?

I wonder.

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Thursday 3 June 2010

The Dragon and The Lion

I'm in a house and with my friend Lio.

Outside, there is a dinosaur, a Tyrannosaurus Rex (symbolic dragon) and against him is fighting a man on horse back with a long joust/spear (symbolic st george).

I am in the house and afraid, but my friend Lio doesn't hesitate. His instant reaction is to go out and fight the beast. A symbol of courage (to rise up and fight against my demons).


Lio is my friend the Lion. He has a courageous heart.

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The Snake and The Ring

I am walking along a canal / river. I am approaching an overpass / bridge and I move closer to the water. I see a snake in the water and without hesitating I move closer to the water. I put my hand out and the snake comes up to me with a ring in it's mouth and puts it onto the middle finger (if I remember correctly) of my left hand. The ring is full length and covers almost all of my finger so making it not possible to bend this finger. The ring is made from some kind of steel, the same color as pewter.

I have tried finding some reference to what this could mean. These might provide some clues:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ouroboros

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Wednesday 28 April 2010

Cut Throat Fear

A dream that I had ...

I felt like I was in some South American country.

In my dream I was waiting across one side of the road, where on the other side appeared a girl who seemed to be finishing work perhaps and was about to wait for the bus. I watched as two boys approached her thinking that they too would be waiting for the same bus yet in complete shock I watched as they cut her throat and robbed this girl. I was so scared that I dared not even approach, fearing that if I did I would lose my life also, as I assumed that their was no hope for her and that she would almost certainly be dead anyway.

Even when the boys had robbed her and left I was too afraid to approach. I was overcome by fear and went into a state of denial. I had visions within my dream of being safe within a prison or some kind of mental home or old folks home. I could see how it could feel safe being within confined walls that would keep all the 'evil' out, but that itself felt isolated and insane.

I was later taken back to the spot near the bus stop where I had summoned enough courage to move closer to see if the body was still there and see if anyone else had found it. As I approached closer I began to see the victim who was being helped up by a gang of youths and helped into the nearest garage where she could seek attendance from the people there. She had blood all down her throat but she was walking and alive. I approached the gang of youths and I wanted to explain to them that I saw everything but I was overcome with grief and sobbed out my words. The boy whom I was focusing on who appeared to be the leader of the gang was quite a tough and angry boy. He appeared to have little sympathy for me and I could see that he was quite angry. I felt that it was because of the injustice that had occurred and he did not sympathize with me being afraid and cowardly.

Meaning ...

Cutting of Throat, what does this mean? Throat is one of the most sensitive parts of the body. What chakra is the throat related to and what meaning does it have?

Fear, what is the fear that I felt? What does this mean?

Vision of safety within the prison. That seems to speak for itself.

[01/may/2010] Appended ...

I found out some interesting information on the 5th Chakra, Vishudda Chakra:

The presiding deity is Panchavaktra Shiva.

Element: Ether (Akasha)
Shape: Crescent
Plane: Human plane
Sense: Hearing
Sense Organ: Ears
Work Organ: Mouth (vocal cords)
Name: Pure
Location: Behind the throat
Sound: Hang
Nb of petals: 16

He has a camphor-blue skin and five heads, representing the spectrum of smell, taste, sight, touch and sound, as well as the union of all five elements in their purest forms. He holds a mala (rosary), a drum which drones continually, manifesting the sound AUM, and a trident. The fourth hand is in Abhaya mudra, the gesture of dispelling fear.

The energy is Shakini. She has a pale rose skin and wears a sky-blue sari with a green bodice. She sits on a pink lotus and holds the following objects:

  • a skull, which is a symbol of detachment from the illusory world of sense perceptions
  • an ankusha
  • an elephant staff used to control Gaja
  • the scriptures, representing knowledge
  • the mala (rosary)

Shakini Shakti is the bestower of all higher knowledge and siddhis (powers).

The chakra's associated animal is the elephant Gaja, supreme lord of herbivorous animals. It is of smoky grey color, the color of clouds. (Could this be related with the dream of elephants that I had?)

It seems also that the throat chakra represents communication and self expression. The ability to communicate our needs and requirements or the ability to speak and be heard.

Could it be that I fear to communicate my needs? Or perhaps soon I will be challenged to articulate my needs and show my vulnerabilities, but that could lead me to an awakening.

Possibly,

I've been invited to go down to South America, with a sweet and beautiful girl. I don't know what to make of it. I feel vulnerable to put myself in this position. What if I fall in Love? I feel the fear and I respect that fear. I respect it because I respect the power that love has to bring such happiness but also the power it has to take me down to my knees.

I feel like I need love, but I'm afraid of love.

I'm realising also that I've been gifted with dreams, visions and intuition. These are blessings to me, and when I give these blessings my attention, they serve me ... and they give me a sense of 'self love'. When I've 'fallen' in love in the past it feels like my ability to respond to these gifts has been more difficult and hence it would be wise for me to always be attentive to these gifts and respond to them truthfully, for they are what ultimately will serve to fulfill me.

It seems that my heart always has the power to shake off it's scars and shine again. I think though that it does so each time more sensitive and aware of not only it's vulnerabilities but also it's amazing capacity to hold so much.

Some interesting related material:

Acclaimed author Barry Lopez joins Bill Moyers to discuss nature, spirit and the human condition.

http://www.pbs.org/moyers/journal/04302010/watch3.html

This is an amazing and beautiful interview. I felt such a heart connection with this man by listening to his words of sincerity and truthfulness. Touches so much on what I've been writing about here.

---

Kahlil Gibran on Love:

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

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Saturday 24 April 2010

Digging Up Dirty Money

I had a dream where I found so much money. It was all 500 euro bills. It started with a few bills and then I noticed there was more and then more. It was all dirty and covered in black dirt. I had to take it home and clean it. It was alot, but it wasn't enough for me to buy my land in Portugal, but it was a great contribution towards it, close to half of what I needed I think.

Shortly after, the volcano in Iceland erupts.


All flights are cancelled and flights are put on hold until further notice. It leaves my friends from Peru stranded here and because I'd found some extra work here in London we co-incided and were able to meet with each other. It turns out that they are interested in joining me on the project. Could this be the contribution that will bring the 'dirty money'? The money covered in the black soot of volcanic ash? The meeting was a result of the volcano and so it makes sense to me. Let's see how that evolves ...

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Friday 26 March 2010

Mending our lives, mending mother earth

It seems to be a time in my life where all my clothes seem to need mending. I'm still living out of a suitcase and it seems that all the clothes I own could do with some kind of mending. Whether it be a missing button here or a tear some where.

Mending,
putting things back together again,
by finding the stronger parts of my inner fabric,
to which I can sew together with a stronger thread.

I've been through confusions and I've been through addictions, and now it seems that I am finding a path, a new path, one that never existed before. One to which I was never aware of. I'm being guided now by something that is beyond my control. I am lending myself to it. I am learning to trust it. I still feel fear sometimes, but I let myself acknowledge it. I think I know why I'm here now. Lending myself to my true purpose I feel is the same as saying 'thy will be done'. I need to be open, to be guided, so that 'thy will be done'.

My purpose is only a seed,
If I do not nourish it, care for it,
It will not grow.
It is the reason why I am here.
So it must be given attention.

To some this might seem quite reckless, but mine is of an idea that I do not feel part of this world any longer. I feel I'm not even of it. But I'm here. And there is something within me that guides me. This is the inner path that I'm beginning to see. The path is still obscure, and dark even, because it's not so clear on how to guide my life by making the right decisions etc, so I guess it's out of habit that I wish to see my whole future mapped out and know what I'm meant to be doing. But it's happening, slowly slowly, I'm beginning to tune into my inner voice, my dreams, my visions and letting them, along with my feelings, guide me. It is one of the most scariest things I've ever done in my life. To trust. To have faith, to truly have faith, that there is meaning to this. That all I have to do, is be present and yet stay true to my path, that of which is guided by my dreams, visions and intuition.

Sounds so holy. But truly, there is a fullness to it. A wholeness to it. It's so rich in color and so vibrant. It is such a story, a legend. So full of color, so full of dark and so full of light. It's a new experience of which I know I will always be at it's edge and yet never fully be part of because of the fact that it requires such an openness of the possibilities that I can never ever truly know anything other than that I am here with a vision, and I have a possibility to realise it, and make it come true.

And so mending, we come back to mending. Going through constantly remending our lives we are building a patchwork quilt of diversity, diversity leads to prosperity, prosperity leads to generosity. Generosity, giving, comes from love and brings more love. Love brings color and it all interweaves itself into the fabric of ourselves. I am but a garment made from the fabric of the heavens.

As I remend myself, I realise I have a natural desire to remend and reheal my mother, the one inside me that died a long time ago, when I was young, and the planetary mother, the earth. A desire to find a peace of mother earth and to heal that. That which is manageable for me. And as I heal that portion then perhaps others will join also and join on to my peace of land also until we form a patchwork of healed and mended plots all adjoining to form natural parks of diversity, not only diversity of plant and animal life but also of human beings and with them taking their natural place within nature, and co-exist with nature as an integral part of it, not seperate from it.

As with all ideas.
They can not be forced,
They can only be encouraged.

I do not write here unless the spirit carries me to write. The spirit is the fuel that gives me energy.

One must follow his visions,
For if one follows his visions,
Then his visions will follow (materialise).

One never fails,
Until one gives up,
And if ever the going gets tough,
Have faith,
Hold tight,
Hold strong,
For it will not be long,
Before The Great Spirit starts working to help you,
And as he works,
You shall feel the sweat from his brow,
Fall upon you,
and cool you,
and quench your thirst,
and give you strength to move onward.

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Sunday 21 March 2010

A Dream of Elephants ...

I had a dream.

I was voyaging somewhere out in the wild. There was pastures and trees. As I was voyaging along I passed three distinct groups of elephants that were coming the other way. Each of the groups was made up of a different type of elephant. I can't remember the exact details of each type. I remember one kind was so round with regards to all it's features; big round belly, big round ears, just beautiful. I can't remember the most distinctual details of each of the other kind. I can't seem to recall them that well, but I remember that they were all so different. Just beautifully amazing creatures.

That's as much as I remember of the dream ...

Just this.

It felt so special, this dream.

But what does it mean?

And is there any way that I can know what it means?

How do I learn to communicate with this other side of myself ...

so that I can know it ...

and know ...

what it's trying to communicate?

01/may/2010 - appended

A more recent dream led me to this ...

Gaja (a Sanskrit word for elephant) is one of the significant animals finding references in Hindu scriptures and Buddhist and Jain texts. In general, a gaja personifies a number of positive attributes including abundance, fertility and richness; boldness and strength; and wisdom and royalty. In European Portuguese it means "physical attractive female", its origin in the Portuguese language can be related to a personification of fertility as mentioned.

See more here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaja

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the spirit of I

to the spirit of man.

the spirit of I

share my dreams and follow my visions.

who am i?

this is about who i am.

sharing the impossible.

to quite possibly create ...

the impossible dream.

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