Monday, 13 September 2010
Strange addiction to who I used to be.
How can I explain my predicament?
I am finding it hard.
There are things that seem to be out of my control.
Like the circumstances that befall me or the situation I find myself in, even though I chose to be here somehow but not sure, looking back, thinking about whether I made the right decisions, the decisions, that potentially lead me here.
So where do I find myself?
I find myself in a lonely place. So alone. I have the feeling sometimes like as if I am so disconnected from everything. Where is the love that I used to feel? Where is the I that I used to love?
I only have one thing guiding me now, and that's my dream.
But my heart is heavy. If it were lighter things would be so much easier.
Why is my heart so lonely and afraid? I don't know. I am realising the fears I carry are stronger than what I've ever felt before in my life. I am afraid of the changes that I may go through, or maybe I'm afraid of not even knowing anything about what's going to happen. I fear failure, I must be honest about that.
The dream is my seed.
As I grow,
I grow to know,
How sad and sorry is life at this moment.
For whatever happened to that used to be me,
and why do I long for his return?
Am I still not he,
Who now knows the limits,
Of how far his expectations can take him?
But who does not know,
to where the dream will lead?