Poverty and Alonenes

Since having started my journey,
pursuing my dream,
and having realised a grand part of it ...

The materialisation of MY peace of land.

... I now, in this moment, find myself in the midst of poverty and aloneness.
Feeling alone, and with no money.
A feeling of 'stuckness' and limitation I feel right now.

It makes me wonder if this is what poverty feels like for those who have been born into the poorest of environments? However, myself, I still feel lucky (fortunate) because I am accompanied and guided by my vision. It is that which keeps me fresh, alive, nourishes me to accept all things that come and carry on regardless of the limitations that present themselves during the course of my journey.

I must admit however that these feelings appear to me like road blocks on the path that lead me to fully realising this vision and when this happens I experience confusion and 'stuckness'. What are of these feelings? What do they mean? Perhaps it is just a problem of not being able to accept these moments and know that they will pass. When I have moments of strife I have questions arise of 'Who am I?' and 'What am I doing here?'. I am reminded of what I'm doing here by the signs that have appeared on my path, that seem to confirm that I'm doing OK and on the right way. As for the question of who I am. This I cannot answer. For when I give an answer it seems that it is never completely true. Perhaps this question can never be answered, or perhaps it is best to just remain silent.

This feeling of poverty and aloneness. Feeling poor and alone.

In one sense, I am in a deep dark whole. A chasm in my mind.

And in another sense, I am fortunate, not only because of the vision that guides me, but also because I feel a great fortune lies at my doorstep. I am at the door of a special opportunity. An opportunity in which most importantly I can ask myself quite whole heartedly what are these chains that bind me? and how can I rid myself of these shackles? What is this abyss I fall into at times, this deep black hole that forms part of my whole?

I smoke some ganja. The pressure of the shackles are eased, but I know that soon they will reappear again. They will not have disappeared, and will most likely not disappear until I have transcended this 'scenario'. Perhaps I am fortunate to have it at hand so that I can temporally transcend these moments, have space to write about it and later reflect on it again.

I believe that what I'm facing is an opportunity to transform aloneness and poverty.

And NOW I am reminded of the line I read earlier today from Osho:

"To be alone is the only real revolution. To accept that you are alone is the greatest transformation that can happen to you."

Another sign along the path.

Why has my dream brought me here I ask?

Perhaps what this means is that my dream cannot be realised until I have become one and alone.

In union I shall find communion.

In unity I shall find community.

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