It seems to be a time in my life where all my clothes seem to need mending. I'm still living out of a suitcase and it seems that all the clothes I own could do with some kind of mending. Whether it be a missing button here or a tear some where.
Mending,
putting things back together again,
by finding the stronger parts of my inner fabric,
to which I can sew together with a stronger thread.
I've been through confusions and I've been through addictions, and now it seems that I am finding a path, a new path, one that never existed before. One to which I was never aware of. I'm being guided now by something that is beyond my control. I am lending myself to it. I am learning to trust it. I still feel fear sometimes, but I let myself acknowledge it. I think I know why I'm here now. Lending myself to my true purpose I feel is the same as saying 'thy will be done'. I need to be open, to be guided, so that 'thy will be done'.
My purpose is only a seed,
If I do not nourish it, care for it,
It will not grow.
It is the reason why I am here.
So it must be given attention.
To some this might seem quite reckless, but mine is of an idea that I do not feel part of this world any longer. I feel I'm not even of it. But I'm here. And there is something within me that guides me. This is the inner path that I'm beginning to see. The path is still obscure, and dark even, because it's not so clear on how to guide my life by making the right decisions etc, so I guess it's out of habit that I wish to see my whole future mapped out and know what I'm meant to be doing. But it's happening, slowly slowly, I'm beginning to tune into my inner voice, my dreams, my visions and letting them, along with my feelings, guide me. It is one of the most scariest things I've ever done in my life. To trust. To have faith, to truly have faith, that there is meaning to this. That all I have to do, is be present and yet stay true to my path, that of which is guided by my dreams, visions and intuition.
Sounds so holy. But truly, there is a fullness to it. A wholeness to it. It's so rich in color and so vibrant. It is such a story, a legend. So full of color, so full of dark and so full of light. It's a new experience of which I know I will always be at it's edge and yet never fully be part of because of the fact that it requires such an openness of the possibilities that I can never ever truly know anything other than that I am here with a vision, and I have a possibility to realise it, and make it come true.
And so mending, we come back to mending. Going through constantly remending our lives we are building a patchwork quilt of diversity, diversity leads to prosperity, prosperity leads to generosity. Generosity, giving, comes from love and brings more love. Love brings color and it all interweaves itself into the fabric of ourselves. I am but a garment made from the fabric of the heavens.
As I remend myself, I realise I have a natural desire to remend and reheal my mother, the one inside me that died a long time ago, when I was young, and the planetary mother, the earth. A desire to find a peace of mother earth and to heal that. That which is manageable for me. And as I heal that portion then perhaps others will join also and join on to my peace of land also until we form a patchwork of healed and mended plots all adjoining to form natural parks of diversity, not only diversity of plant and animal life but also of human beings and with them taking their natural place within nature, and co-exist with nature as an integral part of it, not seperate from it.
As with all ideas.
They can not be forced,
They can only be encouraged.
I do not write here unless the spirit carries me to write. The spirit is the fuel that gives me energy.
One must follow his visions,
For if one follows his visions,
Then his visions will follow (materialise).
One never fails,
Until one gives up,
And if ever the going gets tough,
Have faith,
Hold tight,
Hold strong,
For it will not be long,
Before The Great Spirit starts working to help you,
And as he works,
You shall feel the sweat from his brow,
Fall upon you,
and cool you,
and quench your thirst,
and give you strength to move onward.
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