Dear Father Forgive Me

Dear Father,

I ask for forgiveness.

I was not strong enough to bear the weight of your tears on my shoulders, when you suffered the loss of your love. Now that you've gone, I feel it so deeply and only wish you were here so that I could have your strong shoulders to cry on.

I didn’t know that I would miss you so much when gone.
I remember your warm and fatherly embrace.
Your advice and guidance. Your beautiful face.
I didn’t know that you would appear as a light in my darkest hour.

I ran from you, without knowing what significance you would have in my life.
You taught me how to walk. You helped me when I fell over. You showed me the way.
Through all my fallings and failings you showed me love and compassion.
You gave me everything I needed to walk my path, with heart.
Just sometimes I get lost and forget, like today.

I’m trying to be strong, like you asked of me, but I’ve fallen down.
I am trying to get up, but it’s hard. I know you know how hard life can be.
You are not here, but know that if you were, would take me in your arms and carry me.
I’m just sorry that I was not strong enough to carry you through your hard times papa.

I will forever be in debt to you,
I have not forgotten the dream.
I carry it in my heart.
And to that I shall remain true.

Your loving Son.

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A Path with Heart – Don Juan

Quoted From Carlos Castaneda: “Don Juan’s Teaching”

Don Juan said:

Anything is one of a million paths.

Therefore you must always keep in mind that a path is only a path;

if you feel you should not follow it, you must not stay with it under any conditions.

To have such clarity you must lead a disciplined life.

Only then will you know that any path is only a path,

and there is no affront, to oneself or to others, in dropping it if that is what your heart tells you to do.

But your decision to keep on the path or to leave it must be free of fear or ambition.

I warn you. Look at every path closely and deliberately.

Try it as many times as you think necessary.

Then ask yourself, and yourself alone, one question.

This question is one that only a very old man asks.

My benefactor told me about it once when I was young, and my blood was too vigorous for me to understand it.

Now I do understand it. I will tell you what it is: Does this path have a heart? All paths are the same: they lead nowhere.

They are paths going through the bush, or into the bush.

In my own life I could say I have traversed long, long paths, but I am not anywhere.

My benefactor’s question has meaning now. Does this path have a heart?

If it does, the path is good; if it does not, it is of no use.

Both paths lead nowhere; but one has a heart the other does not.

One makes for a joyful journey; as long as you follow it, you are one with it.

The other will make you curse your life. One makes you strong; the other weakens you.

The trouble is nobody asks the question; and when a man finally realizes that he has taken a path without a heart, the path is ready to kill him. At that point very few men can stop to deliberate, and leave the path.

A path without a heart is never enjoyable. You have to work hard even to take it.

On the other hand, a path with heart is easy; it does not make you work at liking it.

For me there is only the traveling on paths that have a heart, or on any path that

may have heart. There I travel… and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length.

And there I travel looking, looking, breathlessly.

Don Juan, a Yaqui Sorcerer

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Finding My Blue

Dear Sky,

I shall no longer fly back to Oz to see you.

Looks like I need to find my own blue.

No escape, to the Land of Oz,

To be in your loving embrace.

My path is here now, and falling apart with each pace.

I look to escape but there is no way out.

All decisions seem riddled with doubt.

No exit. No leaving. No going back.

No escaping via that old side track.

It seems I shall stay here and accompany the Dweller.

My ever loving Nemesis and tall story teller.

The One who takes me to the Threshold.

And makes me realise how I long to be Whole.

I seek to transform his aggression,

but anger is the only expression,

that I manage to give back as my gift.

I cannot see actions of love, nor care.

The contradictions I see make me confused and scared.

I watch as I see words and actions clash.

Fury he stirs with responses so brash.

No closer to understanding the truth of the matter.

No heart to heart, on his part, only chatter.

If there is no willingness for peaceful agreement, understanding and love.

Then in the company of his own judgements I shall leave him thereof.

So sweet Sky of Oz,

Looks like I will not see you this year,

Time to face the cold with the cloudy days now here.

One thing I will tell you, and you can be sure.

From all I could give, you would be worthy of more.

.

Reborn into a Dream

What if I forget this dream,
that brought me to this place?
What if I forget the lies,
that there's anything at stake?

Would I wake up with vision clear,
and ask myself sincerely
what the hell I'm doing here?

Over many oceans to find a place in a foreign land.
Following a dream and trusting in it's end,
That somehow it would take me back,
to where it all began ...

The great blue ocean of peace.

So what if I forget this dream?
And just let go of everything?

If tomorrow I wake up with fresh eyes,
what new dream will be reborn?
I dare to guess a world,
where nothing can be left to lose,
and fear shall reign no more.

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Life Come Crucify Me

Life come crucify me.
Let my body hang by the pain of it's wounds on the very cross I bear.

Pierce my heart with the spear of truth,
Let my life blood flow into the soil of divine creation.

Take everything I have to give.
Let fire consume me until there is nothing left of me.

Let what is left dance with the stars.

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Letting go of doing

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

The path to awakening is littered with shattered dreams.

Dream on doer, dream on.

Let my dreams and foolish romances break my heart wide open, again and again.

Along this mysterious path I see signs hidden in the understory ...

'You are lost in Destiny, there is no exit! Enjoy the ride!'

'You have come to the end (of your dream). Now turn back (inwards)!'

(The road humps are not signposted - you can hurt yourself if you don't take care).

Through the mountains and the valleys gatekeepers appear in unexpected places, that will not allow me to pass, until I've given everything that I have to give, and fully accepted everything as it is, has been and will be.

Perhaps by grace I will be guided to the end of this path.

A dead end, that leads nowhere.

Except into a wild blue destiny,
where only freedom can find me.

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View from the Bridge

I am standing on a bridge.

It is a wide bridge, supported by huge supports, columns, that come from below. Between the columns and the floor of the bridge they support there are spaces that allow me to see into the deep valley below.

This bridge offered me a vision. A view, from which I could see something that inspires me into the heavens. A vision that fuelled me, that gave me strength.

Upon this bridge all are free to travel and cross. Now something has parked itself on this bridge, something that has spoiled my view, my vision. I cannot see clearly any more.

I cannot understand it, for their is no understanding. It's something I must accept.

I feel the wind as it blows me towards the other side of the bridge. There is something mysterious there. It is unknown. In order for me to get there I need to let go of the attachment to this vision, to this view.

I have worked, perhaps wastefully, on work that did not require so much effort. Destiny is changeless. I look back and see the work and energy that has gone into building this bridge and the wonderful vision that it offered, but upon contemplation I realise that it serves me no purpose if it is a bridge that serves only for a vision and not for crossing.

It seems that now is the time to let go and see what's on the other side.

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